My husband just left for the weekend. He is training in Hakomi therapy in Chicago and has a class this weekend. I knew this was coming, we discussed it even before she was born, that once a month he would be gone for a few nights. But now that it’s here I’m struggling with it.
It’s not that I can’t do it on my own for a few days. He works quite a bit anyway, so it’s just me and her for the majority of the day. But knowing that he’ll be home at whatever time and that I’ll have a little bit of a break helps get me through the day, especially when I get tired. I also look forward to the adult conversation, even though we mostly talk about what she did during the day. What I’m going to have to be careful of is to not get resentful, use this as a reason to get bitchy during the week if he isn’t in the mood to hold her or something. But I do feel overwhelmed with her sometimes. I’m breastfeeding, so she wants me all the time. And she’s at the age now where she KNOWS it’s me, not just some random person with milk, or who holds her the way she likes, or smells the way she likes. Which on one hand is awesome, and makes me happier than I could ever imagine. I want her to want me! But mommy can also use a break sometimes. To his credit, he realizes this and takes her quite a bit in the evenings. And he set it up so every other Saturday night me and my friend go out for some ‘girl time’, and he watches the baby. And she’s not easy in the evenings, so it’s awesome that he does that for me. Plus, I think leaving this weekend was harder on him that on me…he was feeling pretty bad about it. HOWEVER – all of the wonderfulness aside, this weekend is going to be a challenge and I need to admit that it’s okay that I think it’s going to be a challenge. And I need to keep the communication open when he gets back if I need him to take Nyima for awhile so I don’t go insane. I’ve set it up so we go to my mom and dad’s next weekend – a little grandparent time will defintely help!
On a different note, there were no obvious effects from the vaccines Nyima got yesterday. Yippee! She might have slept a little more, but that’s about it. She seems more clingy to me, but I don’t know if that’s from the vaccines and her not feeling totally great, or if it’s just a clingy day. One thing the doctor and I talked about was the possibility of her having gastric reflux. She hates being on her back, and when she is on her back she swallows alot, like she’s trying to keep stuff down. She also does this weird arch-y thing when she’s eating – I thought she was just a restless eater sometimes, but the pediatrician said that babies with reflux will arch like that to try to compress things just the right way to keep stuff from coming up. Who knew! So she prescribed some Zantac (sp), we’ll see if that does anything. The one thing I’m thinking it might help (hoping it might help) is sometimes she gets into this frantic nursing mode – she’ll have just finished eating but then will still cry and suck on her hand like she wants to nurse. If I don’t nurse her she screams. My thought was if she had reflux it was hurting her during those times, and she wanted to nurse to help make it feel better. Who knows! Maybe she just wants to nurse for comfort, or maybe she’s extra hungry! Like I said, if nothing changes, we’ll know it’s just the way she is.
It’s time for me to eat. Sometimes I forget that moms get to eat too…
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January 23, 2009 at 10:48 am
Sue
Hello. Your blog posting popped up in a Google alert that I have set up on the word Hakomi. I’ve been through Hakomi training in Asheville. I hear you about being alone — been there — and it’s tough! I also wanted to share with you that my experience in Hakomi training was powerful for me. It influenced every single part of my life for the better, most especially my parenting of my son. Mindfulness, moving from a place of judgment and emotional reactivity to noticing and curiosity, a belief in the inherent capacity of people to move toward health and healing — those are fundamentals of Hakomi, and what a solid foundation for parenting! I don’t mean any of this to minimize your distress — I just wanted to share my own experience with the incredible value that Hakomi training offered to me, and through me to other people in my life.
January 23, 2009 at 1:19 pm
carissawords
Hi Sue! Thanks for your input. I agree with everything you have said about Hakomi completely. It has already changed my husband, and he was pretty awesome to begin with. He got interested in the training when we went to a Hakomi therapist that truly changed our lives. I talked to him on the phone while he was driving to Chicago for the training, and he said that he wanted to do the training not only to enhance his counseling practice, but to be a better parent and show Nyima that we can be…well, better, more whole. We knew this first weekend alone would be tough on both of us, but in the end it is worth it. And so far, I’m surviving just fine!