Well, we got through our first night.  She actually did quite well.  Put her to bed at her usual time, after she finished her bottle she was still awake but I just stayed with her and rubbed her belly and petted her head and she eventually fell asleep in the crib.  My hands were asleep from leaning over the crib, but I got the job done.

She woke up a few times in the night, some of the time she just did a little whimper and then rolled over and went back to sleep.  Other times she cried a bit harder, I got up and put her pacifier back in and she went right back to sleep.  At 5am she woke up and was pretty upset and kept saying ‘mama’, so I picked her up and held her and rocked a bit.  When I tried to put her back in the crib she got upset again, so I brought her into bed.  Can’t expect the kid to be perfect on the first night.  Also, I missed her.  A lot.   She is warm and cuddly and wonderful, and I was not at all sad that she needed me and wanted to cuddle.  So there.  If  I’m an enabler, so let me enable.

Today she took like a 2-hour nap in the crib.  Slept initially for 1/2 an hour then woke up crying, but I popped the paci back in, rubbed her belly again, and she fell back asleep and slept for another hour and 1/2 straight.  Woohoo!  We’ll see how tonight goes.  So far I’m optomistic.

So in October Jason starts another job.  Not another as in he quit his other job, but another as in he’s taking yet another job, which puts him up to 3.  I am happy for financial reasons, because we really do need the money.  We have routinely been taking money out of savings to make up for shortfalls in our regular expenses, and both of us don’t like that.  But I am sad because that means he will be home less.  Last night he said he was going to give up his Monday night meditation group that he leads in order to be home more.  Again, part of me says Yay!  because I do like it when he’s around.  But I’m also worried he may resent us for this decision in the future.  We’ll see what happens.  Either way I’m a pretty lucky woman to have such a considerate husband.

I went to a ‘Creative Memories’ party this weekend.  Talk about feeling inadequate…the whole thing was about taking the time to document our ‘stories’, how if we don’t get these things down how will our kids know where they came from, what their family was like?  I haven’t even finished writing in her baby book detailing my pregancy and her birth.  I have yet to put together one photo album of her.  Women at the party were talking about their pregnancy photo albums.  I have a total of about 5 pictures of me being pregnant.  I hardly have time to work, take care of Nyima, keep my house from being so dirty CPS gets called, and try to glance at my husband once and awhile.  Forget about doing anything for myself – working out?  Shopping?  Reading?  Getting my hair done?  What are those thing?  How am I supposed to find time to put together a ‘story’?  Sigh.  What makes me most sad/frustrated is that I WANT to do this stuff.  I would love to be able to find the time to print out all her pictures and put together an album to let her know how absolutely special and precious she is to us, to try and communicate how much she was wanted and how much we love her.  Her first birthday is coming up, and for her party I don’t want to be sans albums.  So I spent a ridiculous amount of money on some software that is supposed to help me do ‘digital’ scrapbooks.  That seems less time consuming to me.  We’ll see what happens.  But for her first birthday she will have her baby book done, her Blessing album done, and an album of her first year.  Dammit.  I will also somehow find time to put together photo calendars and individual scrapbooks for family for Christmas gifts.  I don’t expect too much out of myself, do I.